gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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