Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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