Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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