How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
