I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
