Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
