i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
