The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
