matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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