Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
