My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
