One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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