Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
