So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
