I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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