My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
