Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
