You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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