A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
