How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
