Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
