Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
