Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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