Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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