highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
