I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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