Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
