Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
