This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
