don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
