DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
