i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
