I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
