they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
