genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
