you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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