Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
