just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
