What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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