Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
