We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I believe in your delicious
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
