I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
where are my eyebrows?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
