worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
