3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
