I think I won the penis lottery.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
