So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.đź’¨
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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