I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
