No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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