Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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