So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
