First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
